


8 Ways to Say I Love You

by levisinner



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levisinner/pseuds/levisinner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on 8 Ways to Say I Love You by R. McKinley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Way

_“Spit it into his voice-mail, a little slurred and  sounding like the shot whiskey you downed for courage. Feel as ashamed as you do walking into work in last night’s clothes. Wake up cringing for days, waiting for him to mention it.”_

It took a lot for Bucky to get drunk. A lot. He was six shots into Thor’s godly liquor when he realized he was truly, honestly drunk. He sat back and grinned, proud of himself. Who said super soldiers couldn’t get drunk?

She’d left over an hour ago, but she was still the only thing he could think about. She looked amazing tonight. She was wearing this skin tight black dress that went down mid thigh, perfectly showing off every curve. Of course she never could dress up all the way, so she’d worn her trademark beat up old leather jacket and sneakers, but he just loved her all the more for it.

Yes. He loved her. He _loved her_. He had to tell her, right? That was what you did, right?

So he snuck away from the party, finding himself a quite corridor in Stark tower, and called her. Even the alcohol in his system couldn't calm his nerves. The phone rang and rang and went to voicemail. “Hey, uhm, it’s Bucky, and y’know, I just wanted to call you and tell you…thaaaat I love you! I love you. I’m in love with you, babydoll. Okay. Bye.”

One of the benefits of the advanced healing factor and metabolism was, that in the advent he did manage to get drunk, he didn’t have to deal with hangovers. However, he woke up feeling even more awful than he would with one. He’d…he’d called her, drunk and desperate, and told her he loved her. That would’ve been bad enough in itself, but then there was the minor little detail that, y’know, he actually did love her.

When he joined the Avengers, he was a lonely, broken man. Just because the brainwashing triggers had been removed didn’t make him any less terrifying to others, because regardless of why he did it, he was still a serial murderer. Steve still cared for him, of course, and Natasha was friendly enough, but…he was still lonely. He could feel the way the atmosphere changed when he entered a room, he could feel the mistrust and discomfort. Nobody except Steve wanted him around, not really, and Steve only did because he was a stubborn son of a bitch and couldn’t admit that despite the brainwashing being over, Bucky was still beyond fixing.

But then she’d reached out to him.

He’d seen her around the tower, of course; he’d gone on missions with her and the rest of the team and they’d exchanged the formal pleasantries, but they’d never had any real interaction. One day, though, he walked into the gym to see her going ham on a punching bag. They’d briefly locked eyes, and Bucky started to turn to walk away — he assumed she didn’t want him around, since no one else did.

“Hey, Buck,” she called out. He turned back towards her. “Wanna spar with me?”

He shrugged, starting to mumble out something when she spoke again. “Please? I haven’t really gone up against anyone really good in a while, and I’ve seen you fight, you’re fucking amazing.”

“I…” The truth was, he was afraid of hurting her. He’d hurt far too many already.

“Is the fearsome Winter Soldier scared of a little girl like me?” she asked, her voice teasing.

Bucky couldn’t help but crack a small smile. “Fine,” he said. “Don’t cry when I kick your ass, though.” She’d joked with him — nobody had done that before. And about his past, no less. She knew what he was, and she didn’t seem to care.

She was…surprisingly strong. And fast. And flexible. And good. Really good. She was a science project, just like him, but instead of just enhancing her human abilities, she’d gained new powers. Telekinesis, telepathy. Her powers weren’t as advanced as Wanda’s, but she was just as terrifying. However, she didn’t need to use her powers to stay evenly matched with him. He started out holding back, still not wanting to hurt her, but soon, he found himself going harder than he had in a long time.

He had no idea how long it was that they dueled, but it felt like an eternity later when he panted out, “Truce?” as they stood still for a brief moment, him blocking her punch.

She relaxed back from her fighting stance. “Truce.” She immediately plopped down on the ground, laying back on the mat. “Water?” she called in the general direction of one of Tony’s little robots that scurried around the gym, cleaning and retrieving equipment and such.

Bucky sat down, cross legged next to her. As the robot approached with a tray of ice and water bottles, he took two bottles from it, handing one to her and taking the other for himself. “Damn, I haven’t fought that hard in…I don’t even remember,” he said.

As she finished half the bottle in one go, she replied, “Me neither, holy shit. It’s good to finally find a worthy opponent, though.” As she looked up at him, grinning, he couldn’t help but smile back.

After that, they’d spar every day. Sometimes one of them would get an edge, but most of the time, it was completely even. They’d talk afterwards, breathless and sweaty and looking disgusting, and Bucky loved it. She was the first person who treated him like a just a person since before he became the Winter Soldier — fuck, even Steve had a bit of that wary look in his eyes sometimes, realizing that Bucky was primarily a weapon. But she didn’t do that. She treated him like she did everyone else. And he’d never felt so relaxed.

Outside of the gym, she’d always give him a wide grin when she saw him. He’d shyly return the favor before she wrapped him in a big hug. At team meetings and meals and gatherings, she’d always find her way to his side. She was a very physically affectionate person by nature, Bucky had realized watching her interactions with others, but suddenly that affection was being bestowed on him, too. Whenever she sat next to him, he’d find her snuggled up to him, playing with his hands, running her fingers through his hair, sprawling herself out across his lap — anything, always touching him. She wasn’t afraid of him at all. And if someone so smart and amazing as her didn’t feel afraid around him…maybe, just maybe, he was starting to feel like a person again.


	2. The Second Way

“ _Sigh it into his mouth, wedged in between teeth and tongues. Don’t even let your lips move when you say it, ever so lightly, into the air. Maybe it was just an exhalation of ecstasy.”_

She wasn’t really sure how it happened, but it was happening.

It was a chillax evening at the Avengers tower. Most of the team was off doing their own thing, and so were she and Bucky. They were in the living room as she forced him to watch shitty reality TV with her (she knew he secretly enjoyed it). They weren’t paying attention, though, absorbed in their own conversation, her laying with her head in his lap, him playing with her hair (it’d been slightly awkward at first, her grabbing his hand and demanding he play with her hair, but he’d gotten into it). “If the world was ending, and like, we couldn’t do anything about it but we could choose how to spend our final moments, I think I’d want to go out having sex,” she was saying, looking up at her soldier, his eyes on the TV. “Might as well go out having fun, right?”

He looked down at her, an amused smirk playing on his lips. “I could help you with that,” he said, teasingly.

She laughed. Bucky was a natural flirt, and as he got more comfortable around her, that side of him shone through. It didn’t mean much; he made those kind of comments all the time as a joke. “Eh, that’d work. I’m not exactly fucking anyone right now, so hell yeah, I’d fuck you if it was the end of the world. I mean, shit, I’d fuck you even if the world wasn’t ending.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. She was just talking, right? Just saying words, words that didn’t necessarily mean anything. She did that a lot. “Well then, what are we waiting for?” It was supposed to be teasing, but…it came out a lot flirtier than he expected.

It took her a moment to register his words and his tone. Somehow, it felt different than his normal teases. Was Bucky Barnes hitting on her? Because, you know, she’d be totally down. Totally down. He might not have been serious, though…oh well. Two could play that game. “To decide on your room or mine,” she replied with a smirk.

“I think mine’s closer,” he said with a wink.

Were they seriously flirting? Or…. She could read his mind, but no, she wouldn’t break his trust like that. She had no idea what to do, but before she could think it through, she found herself grabbing the front of Bucky’s t shirt, pulling him down until she crashed her lips into his. She released him after a brief moment, but he still hovered inches above her, mouth slightly open and eyes dilated. She took this as a good sign. “Well then, soldier, let’s go.”

Suddenly, she found herself being scooped up in his arms, carried bridal style out of the living room. She looked up at him, laughing. “Eager, are we?”

He was laughing too as he looked down at her. “You’re the one who kissed me.”

And before she knew it, her Bucky was throwing her down on his bed, climbing on top of her, pressing his mouth to hers like his life depended on it. His knees were on either side of her hips, his metal hand pressed next to her head supporting himself, his real hand holding her face, bringing her closer to him. As if they could be any closer. It was all…so perfect. And in that moment, before she could help herself, she found herself breathing out “I love you” into Bucky’s mouth.

He didn’t hear her, thank God. Her words were barely distinguishable as anything but a breathy moan. But still she found herself trembling. Whether or not he heard her, she’d told him she loved him. And she did. She really did.

Her and Bucky couldn’t be more different — him, a reclusive man out of time, a former Hydra assassin (albeit a brainwashed one) while she was a cuddly, extroverted kid who’d never once used her powers for anything but good. But the second he joined the team, she looked into his eyes and felt a connection to him. The tired, broken, loneliness in his eyes looked awfully familiar. She saw it in her own eyes every morning, because regardless of how much she loved her friends, she had never felt like one of them. The Avengers were the closest she got to it, but she’d never really been happy. She didn’t grow up with a family. She didn’t grow up with anyone who cared about her. She grew up in a lab, being pricked and prodded, injected with serums and god knew what else, tortured to see how she’d react. When she was 16, she broke out, and ever since then, she’d been fighting for good. Everything seemed perfect looking at her from the outside, but…it wasn’t. She was still broken. She was still a mistake.

But the moment she looked into Bucky’s eyes, she felt a little less broken. She fell deep into those eyes, taking solace in the fact that someone else felt lonely and worthless like she did, and she never stopped falling.

 


	3. The Third Way

_Buy him flowers. Buy him chocolate. Buy him a teddy bear, because that’s what every romantic comedy has taught you. Take him out to a nice restaurant where neither of you feel comfortable and spend the whole night clearing your throat and tugging at your tie. Feel like your actions are more suited to a proposal than the simple confession of something you’ve always known._

He had to tell her now, didn’t he? He owed her that much. Now that they were…something. He wasn’t sure what, exactly. Friends who’d messed around one time, friends with benefits, something more? Whatever they were, he couldn’t lie to her. She had to know about his feelings before she got involved with him and did something she would regret. Before she got hurt. And more than he wanted to be with her, he desperately wanted her to be okay and happy and not hurt.

With Valentine’s a week away, he began to formulate a plan. It had to be perfect, but what was perfect? Romantic, he had decided. It had to be romantic. Before he was the winter soldier, he was romantic, and that’d won over all the girls, right? He’d take her out on Valentine’s Day, and he’d tell her then. He’d shower her with gifts, he’d take her to the fanciest restaurant he could find, and then he’d tell her. If…if by some chance, she felt the same or at least similar, then it’d be perfect, right? And if she didn’t reciprocate his feelings…God, he’d have made the entire day awkward for her, she’d feel bad for the effort he put in and the gifts and— no. He had to tell her. He couldn’t put it off, and if he was going to do it, he’d do it right.

When she woke up on February 14th, it was to a sea of red and pink. What? She threw a hand over her face, wearily rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she let out a yawn. She opened her eyes again. Still pink and red. Were those balloons? She blinked, squinting to focus her sleep-blurred eyes. Those were balloons. Dozens of red and pink balloons danced on her ceiling. She sat up, stretching and yawning once more, and was greeted by the sight of a life-sized teddy bear, a heart stitched to its chest, leaned against the wall across from her. “What the hell?” she wondered aloud.

“Morning, princess,” Bucky said. She jumped slightly in surprise before turning to see the winter soldier, standing in the doorway, leaning to his side against the doorframe, wearing nothing but sweatpants and a smirk. “Did I startle you?”

“Christ, Bucky,” she said with a laugh. “What are you doing?”

“Well,” he drawled, “I figure, we’re both single, Valentine’s is annoying as fuck if you’re single, we’re obviously both attracted to each other…why not have a bit of a fun?”

She cocked an eyebrow at him. This was…interesting. She obviously had feelings for him and she doubted spending the most romantic of holidays with him would help. And while Buck was a huge flirt, this seemed something…more. Oh, fuck it, she was probably overanalyzing it. “Sounds good to me, soldier,” she finally replied after a long pause.

“You had me worried there, babe,” he chuckled.

“You know I’m not awake right now, you can’t expect quick answers, Buck,” she replied. “Get over here. I wanna cuddle.”

The day proceeded lazily, the pair cuddling and making out into the afternoon. She turned on some show he’d never seen before on Netflix. She assured him it was good, it was her favorite. She was so excited about it, he was happy to humor her. Bucky still had no idea where this put them, where this put him…but it ruled out the possibility of their relationship just being a one time thing, so there was that. That was good. He just hoped he wouldn’t fuck up whatever this was with his planned confession.

It was around four, the day starting to slip away. She was being a dork, using her powers to push balloons around, making red shapes amongst the pink, when Bucky cleared his throat. “You know, as nice as this is, this wasn’t the only thing I planned for today…”

“Oh?” She tilted her head back, looking back at him. She was lying diagonal to him, her head resting on his stomach.

“Mhm. Y’know that one super fancy place Tony took us all out to eat at after our mission in Budapest?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know how long you need to get ready, but our reservations are for six, so…”

She rolled over and sat up to face him. “Are you serious?!”

He chuckled at her slack-jawed expression. “’Course I am, doll.”

“Oh my God, Buck. You are the sweetest thing, I swear to fuck. I don’t deserve you,” she said in awe.

Bucky smirked. “I am pretty great, yeah.”

“Without a doubt.” She crawled forward until she was hovering over him, leaning down to press a kiss to his lips.

-

The dinner was great, especially because it was practically a date with Bucky, but she was distracted the whole time. She knew her soldier like the back of her hand, but even if she had known him for all of five minutes, she could tell something wasn’t right. She didn’t need to read minds to sense how uncomfortable he was.

She couldn’t ask him what was wrong — not in public. Not when their problems were so often so much more than that. And she wouldn’t read his mind, she couldn’t violate his trust like that. So she sat through the awkward dinner, Bucky nervous and mumbling while she pleaded with her eyes, asking for some kind of reassurance he was okay.

She was lost in thought, staring down at her almost empty plate, when he said her name. She quickly looked up to meet his eyes. She’d never seen him so anxious.

He said her name again. “I, uhm…the — the reason I wanted to spend today with you, why I asked you out tonight…I just, uh, wanted to tell you, that…t-that I…” His awkward, stuttering speech paused, and he swallowed, looking down as if to re-evaluate what he was about to say. “I like you.” He looked back up at her. “I like you, a lot. When I’m around you…everything makes sense. You’re an amazing person, and…I, uh, you know…I’m not really sure what our relationship is right now, but if you ever wanted to make it something…something concretely more, I’d be okay with that.”

She’d heard tales of the Winter Soldier’s ruthlessness. She’d heard tales of Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes’s way with the ladies. She’d seen Bucky in action, she’d been best friends with him for a good while now. She thought she knew everything he could offer. But this? An awkward, stumbling Bucky, confessing his crush like a high schooler? She never knew he had it in him. It was adorable.

“I’d be okay with that, too,” she said softly, a gentle smile warming her face.


End file.
